I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I cannot find my penis.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have aggressive nipples.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
