I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
