ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
