the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You pole danced in your parka.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.