I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
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I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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