Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
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Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.