Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How many fucks given?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.