...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
