I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
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Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.