So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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