i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
