we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
