yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
