im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
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Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
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I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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