So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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