I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
