my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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