i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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