i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
