i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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