Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
