She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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