Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
