Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.