plz talk dirty to me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me