I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
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yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
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Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal