at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.