im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.