ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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