4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Can Purell be used as lube?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
