Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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