you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
