I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize