so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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