i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
