it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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