i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
