Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you win again, gameday.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
