porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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