Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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