If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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