But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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