I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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