my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
