I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
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