Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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