The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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