You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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