Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
