I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
