i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
