how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
