I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
