If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
