Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
