I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
