I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude i'm inner monologue high
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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