I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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