I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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