my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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