That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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