I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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