NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
