Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
