You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
