I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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