but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
