remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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