Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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