Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
