She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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