i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
