I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
