OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
