We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
