Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
