you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
