I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
