My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
